Past Tense

Per Dr. James Lehman, children can act out in inappropriate ways when they don’t know how to problem-solve. It is a mechanism by which they have learned to cope and they use it to make someone else solve the problem for them. Dr. Lehman’s Total Transformation program aids us parents in giving our children the tools needed to solve their own problems. They will be take responsiblity and be more accountable then.

I am sharing 3 effective parenting tips that will help solidify the reality of how quickly and simply you can getting things at home back on track.

1. Make direct statements. Tell them what you want , firmly and clearly, then walk away. Don’t be afraid of appearing powerless. You’ve made your child accountable for his actions, and to him that’s powerful.

2. Disconnect. Stop talking with the child if they become abusive and disrespectful. Make it a power vacuum and things will turn around right away. We started using this strategy and are amazed at the response. Communication does not resume until they admit their responsibility.

3. Make the consequences task-oriented and time-limited. Use, as often as possible, consequences that are directly connected to the problem behavior, e.g. “you cannot use the phone until you finish your homework tonight”. Remember your child cannot be punished into acceptable behavior. They should be short term, not a prison term.

Finally, be prepared for the long journey! They will develop these skills. But change and thankfullness don’t come at once. Blame will eventually become gratitude. Be patient!

A few good reminders - Don’t let what the child says or does in response to your actions change your way of handling the problems. Consistency is a huge benefit in parenting. And don’t be too hard on yourself if you slip up. Remember this is also retraining a lot of our parenting behaviors too. One thing is for sure, you will get another chance to practice these techniques!